Yes, it is THAT day….what is THAT day you ask? Today is the day, no matter how long it has been, all those memories, hurt, and pain come right back up because you can still, to this day, remember exactly what happened, how it happened, and it still feels and will always feel like it was just yesterday. Yes, 16 years ago to this day I lost a very very special person in my life, my best friend, my full supporter, my prayer warrior, my faith processor, my positive thinker, my full inspiration, my advice giver, the person who always believed in me no matter what, the one person I could truly count on always, my mother….Mom, I miss you so!
Truth is, I miss my mother, my best friend, every single day. “It’s been 16 years, you should be over it by now,” you say. “No, absolutely not,” I say. Here is the thing, you never ever get over something like the loss of a close loved one, it never just goes away. Maybe things get better as times goes on because you have to move on, but no it will never ever go away. When I think about it, my chest still hurts and feels heavy, my heart still aches, it feels like there is a hole in my heart now that will never go away. You still have days you cry, or sob, you might even have days your mad or upset, there are good days and bad days but the true pain never goes away completely. You grasp on tight to the memories and never let them go, that’s the part that is left behind for you to hold on to.
The hardest times for people who have lost a close loved one varies I feel. There are certain things that happen that will instantly bring a little of that pain and hurt back up because it reminds us of a special memory with that special loved one and we miss them and those moments. Some of the hardest times for me is when I see a daughter and her mother out on a shopping trip, or just simply enjoying each others company, got a doctor appointment, mom will go with you, need that mom advice because you are now a mother, forget it, she is not here. There is that certain sense of loneliness that will always be there. I see my friend’s go out to get a pedicure or manicure, massage, dinner date, shopping, sit at that sports event together cheering your child, their grandchild on, they wouldn’t miss it for the world; my mom would do all those things if she was still here. Face it, girls count on their mother a lot if they can, a whole lot and you don’t even realize how much until they are gone. Cherish those memories with you mother because some girls do not get those opportunities anymore. Want to make a quick trip to a local town to get something but don’t want to go by yourself, ask mom, nope not an option, think again. Holidays are some of the toughest times for anyone with the loss of a close loved one I feel, but we move on and have to choose to be happy without them, but it hurts, but we have to.
There are so many times in my life I wish I could just pick up the phone and call my mom or just simply drive down the road to visit her but I can’t. Mom, I have a son now, what is the best way to teach him this, what is your advice on this, I am debating on changing jobs, mom, what is your opinion on that, mom, how would you handle this situation, mom I need to go to the doctor for this but I don’t want to go alone can you go with me, mom, I would love to go grab some chick-fil-a, want to go, mom, I am coaching 2 different sports now, how did you handle these certain situations in the past, mom, what do I do about this or that, mom, I have a really big decision to make in my life right now but I really want your advice about it, mom will you please pray with me? Mom, your grandson wants to play ball with you, mom, your grandson wants to play tag with you, mom, your grandson wants to come visit, mom, your grandson got an award at school today, mom, your grandson scored his first goal, mom, your grandson rode his first roller coaster today, mom, your grandson made an awesome Valentine’s day box and can’t wait to show you, mom, your grandson wants to go on an adventure with you today, mom, your grandson wants to go to the park and play with you, mom, your grandson asks about you all the time….mom, we miss you. Mom, would you be proud of me, proud of the person I have become over the years, did I make the right choices?
Mom, thank you for all you taught me in the time you were here, it was too short we feel, but God had other plans and He knows what’s best and sees the big picture. Mom, I am a grown woman now with a beautiful family and I use what you taught me in the short time you were here to try and do what is right, but sometimes it’s hard. I have had to learn how do certain things as a wife and a mother on my own and I hope I can do them well. I have had to self teach myself a lot. I try to stay focused on the positive but it is so so hard sometimes, especially when there is a very strong storm I am going through. Anyway, I can say I am a much stronger person today than I was 16 years ago, through experiences and life’s learned lessons. Most importantly I still have that faith in God and Jesus that you so well taught me. I am a stronger person because I have to be. I have learned to do the best that I can without my mother here and how to try and do that, I am stronger.
Here is what I know, you have to choose to keep going and come out strong because there is this beautiful thing called a life cycle and now a beautiful child is counting on you as his mom. I will choose to teach what I have been taught and what I know is best. One thing is for certain, I could not get through any of this without faith in our Lord Jesus Christ who is always there no matter what because He loves us so so much and He will carry us through whatever the situation will be. I am no longer a slave of fear because I know that I know that I know I have Jesus Christ on my side. I will forever be happy for everyone who still has their mother here and encourage them to make time to make special memories together because one day you won’t have each other here on Earth but you will have those beautiful memories to cherish forever.
I know where my mother is today, she is in Heaven! One day I will reunite with my mother in that beautiful place with streets of gold, and mansions so big, and angels so bright, and not only be with her again, but be in God’s place with forever glory and praise and no tears will be shed. I will meet her and Jesus Christ along with all of my other special loved ones that have went on before me to that beautiful place, heaven. Thank you Jesus for dying for me and saving me when You did not have to, but You did because You love me so so much forever and ever. You love everyone so so much. Unimaginable love.
I don’t write this because I want self pity or whatever you call it, I write this because I want people to know the pain is real, it’s okay to grieve, but also you really should cherish your loved ones and enjoy every moment you can with them because they won’t be on this Earth forever with you. Tell others about Jesus so he can be a part of their life also and then they know when they lose a loved one they will reunite again one day in heaven and have a huge celebration. I can get through the pain because I know I have Jesus Christ on my side, I have no fear because of Him. God’s plan far outweighs what we think we want and have planned.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
“Trust in the Lord with all you heart, lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
“In the same way, you should be a light for other people. Live so that they will see the good things you do and will praise your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:16
“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. ” 2 Corinthians 4:8-10
“The Lord is my strength and my defense; He has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise Him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him.” Exodus 15:2
“For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
I know my mother can not physically be with me now, but I also know she is still with me every single day, watching over my family and I . It’s not easy sometimes without her physically being here, but with God’s help I can and will get through anything that comes my way.
“The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1
– Treena
Sincerely,
† Treena ><>